hidden.
that was the word that rushed like wind into me as i listened to a guided lectio divina this evening. the passage about him revealing a new thing, something previously hidden and unknown. and as i pondered why that word, the first flashes were about a secret book i'm writing only for my husband, and the deep hard things i am hoping to explore without drowning. those things that have been hidden a lifetime, even from me, but affect my every day moments in the way my heart responds to a certain word or touch.
but then, oh, then, the graciousness that he has me hidden under his wing. so while i feel no small amount of fear when i begin to face some of those old monsters of shame, i know now: i am safe. he's got me. that giant feathery strength that can shoulder it all and keep flying, is holding me close to his warm side-belly, secure as we begin to tread unknown paths. together. never alone in the dark.
and as i have felt spirit-urgings over and over to create space for solitude and processing and art and word and all the life-giving things, and it has all the time appeared impossible, with babies that seem never to sleep, and people needing already more than i can give all day... this affirmation of being hidden away as a great and glorious good has come deep to my soul.
we spent much time and energy this summer creating a studio space for me to work and play and worship, and it has gone largely unused. there have been times. but fewer than ever in recent memory. and i need it. we need me to have that oxygen to share.
so i will hide away, create ritual, fence the sprouting growth, protect it.
and when i open to those deep heart-close places in him, as i relax against his chest, who can say what hidden things will come to light, come to The Light, come to Life?